Showing posts with label Stiff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stiff. Show all posts

... And Hop on Timmy's Manwagon

Under normal circumstances it’s totally appropriate to hate an athlete that gets as much praise as Tim Tebow. I wouldn’t hesitate to join in on some good Favre or Jeter bashing, but I really feel that Tebow deserves all the credit in the world.

Sure, if I told you that I was bringing a friend over to your house, you would hope that “God fearing penis barber” wasn’t an accurate description of him. And that’s natural, but when you really think about it, maybe our lives would be a little better with a few more God fearing penis barbers in it.

I have a lot of trouble getting girls to touch my penis. It’s difficult now, but it’d be nearly impossible if it required instructions. “What the fuck is that?” “Baby, don’t worry, just peel away that dirty skin blanket.” “Eww.” “Now put your mouth on it.” “No.”

Such was the plight of many Filipino men until they met Tim Tebow. Despite the infinite amount of douchebaggery Tebow has and will continue to display, it cannot outweigh the work he’s done for the Filipino penis.

Open Gym Guy

I was going to wait until tomorrow to share this, but it's been bugging me all week.  I just can't take it anymore.

Since I've moved out here to Charlottesville I've met some great people, even some people from Ohio, even better some people from Columbus.  My one friend Adrien works in academic affairs and keeps most of our football players from becoming academic casualties (this is not a rarity here).  Anyways, Adrien is an athlete, played football at Northern Iowa and can really shoot the rock.  After finding out that I enjoy basketball he invited me to some open gyms that he plays in on Saturday mornings.  I accept and begin playing.

We all know that I love nothing more than a couple runs on the court.  It gets the blood flowing and my body feels good afterwards.  Not to mention I get the chance to polish the dust off my baseline fade away J.  Anyways, I was playing a week before I went home for Christmas and everything was going great.  We're about 45 minutes into a competitive day of basketball when all of a sudden I hear this racket from the sideline.  You know, some "Oooooooo tough miss."  Or some, "Rebound....LOOK UP....you got a man open."  I begin to think to myself, really, come on, who thinks they're Roy Williams on a Saturday morning.  Sure enough, I turn to run dow the court and I see this dude, warming up, crew socks, converses, short shorts, and cut off T.  The banter continues until the game finishes.  My team wins, so that means good ole' Roy steps up for some pick up.  This guy is awful.  Not only does he think he's Roy Williams but he thinks he's A.I. at the same time.  Dude, your crossover sucks, you get the ball stolen every time.  YOu have no vision and your J is not wet, in fact it's dry.  You guys get the gist.  Just your typical guy who wants to shoot the rock but really shouldn't be out there.  This is not to say I'm Lebron out there because I'm far from it.  But, this is just "that guy" who ruins the great competition for everyone.

Christmas and New Year's pass by and I return last Saturday to work off any lbs. I might have put on.  Just as I'm getting in my groove, I hear the same nonsense from the sideline.  Same old, "Great hustle."  Same old, "Ooooooooo airball."  I actually tend to avoid this stiff until the last game I play in.  He's on the opposing team.  I'm actually have a decent game.  I make a layup to start, hit a trey, and then a pull up J on a fast break.  It's a 5-5 game and they go to 7 by 2.  So here we are on a fast break, dude passes me the rock, I get smothered going to the rim and my shot is blocked.  Ball remains with my team.  But as my shot gets put into the third row I hear a, "ooooooooooooooo get dat shit outta here."  I'm like, ok, come on buddy, really?  Not here, not now, you weren't even near the play, so come on man.  I literally had to remain poised before I lost my mind.  A teammate seeing I was somewhat frustrated with this "guy" clears everyone and gives me the ball in the post.  I go right to work......fade away baseline J, wet.  Buckets.  Unfortunately, A.I. wasn't guarding me.  But I did get the self-satisfaction of proving to this dude that he really needs to shut up and take his weak game elsewhere.

War dropping dimes and hitting J's.
-'Killa