Enough Already

Ok, Ok...I was biting my tongue on this one, but they made me do it, they just made me do it. In light of Kelloggs announcement to not renew Michael Phelps' spokesman contract and the USA swimming team's suspension of three months, I have but one message. Media: Lay off of Michael Phelps. 

So what? The man smoked a little grass. Is that such a sin? He is not in competition, because he is a freak of nature he agrees to any additional testing to prove it (passing every-time), does plenty of charity work, and obviously has his priorities in order. The man has won 14 GOLD medals swimming in the Olympics. The freakin' Olympics...

This isn't the end of the world. Ricky Williams smoked plenty of dope in his day. He played pretty well for the Fins this year. The reining Super Bowl MVP, Santonio Holmes, was arrested earlier this year for sparkin blizzies in his SUV. On Media day he also admitted to dealing 'juan as a youth. Not to mention, I saw him on the famous "I'm going to Disney World" commercial after the big victory. Last time I checked, Walt's major marketing audience is children. In fact, President Barack Obama has admitted to tokin a little green in his day. 

Now, I am not praising him or condoning his actions, but enough is enough. The media has blown this so out of proportion. I bet Jim Rome got a big chub when this story came out. This is just the type of thing he loves. 

If anything, Phelps ripped the pipe, didn't feel his body, laughed his ass off, ate some Doritos, and passed out with hottie. It's not like he killed someone. Time to move on people. 

White Death

The Queen City is perhaps the worst city for snow in the Mid-West. A summary of my last three days.

Tuesday when the snow hit: pandaemonium

I would have been enjoying my three hour delay of classes by sleeping, but I was bombarded with numerous texts and phone calls about how bad the storm was from my native Cicinattian class-mates. It was as if they have never seen a snow flake before. I will admit, yes it was a lot of snow for this area, but for God's sake...you have got to be fucking kidding me. People were spinning out everywhere, getting stuck, and literally shaking behind the wheel. I passed people going the speed limit (the roads were average in my opinion) and they looked at me like I had a death wish. 

Drivers were so dramatic. I was following an SUV up a hill and he was spinning out everywhere, just gassing it.  He was turning his wheel back and forth like he was about to fall off a cliff. Watching this I became very nervous in my POS. Maybe I was just too confident. I thought I was about to get stuck. Nope, not today. Didn't spin out once, didn't get stuck, didn't turn my wheel at all. Just went right up the hill. 

The plows were driving around like they had just been trained. The held their plows inches from the ground in the air. How the hell do you push snow and clear the roads when your plow isn't even on the damn ground???? Even more shocking, they were pushing snow towards the middle of the road in some areas on my commute. Is that a joke or something? I guess in North East Ohio we are fortunate to have plows who push the snow to the side of the road. Maybe that is too logical. 

Wednesday: Love Lock-down (this was the worst day of snow)

Of course it snowed even more Tuesday night, Wednesday morning. The snow-chaosed city learned its lesson from the day before and shut down. I live on a busy street and barely heard any plows. I tried to go get food later that night and nothing was open. I did not realize that businesses got snow days as well. Today, I did nothing. 

Thursday: No clever title, just pissed. 

Today it took me 40 minutes to get home from school. Mind you, it is a normal 10 minute drive. Mind you, the main roads are completely clear. Mind you, on the radio the Disc Jockeys are still making a huge deal about the snow and warning with caution about driving. People were CRAWLING on clear, SNOWLESS roads. I do not know if they were scared that the snow pushed to the sides of the roads was going to come out and attack them or what. Plows have also had three full days and nights (I assume plows work around the clock in snow emergencies) to clear off side roads. Today, I did not see one side road cleared. 

Look Cincinnati, I am gonna give it to you straight. This is the mid-west. This is Ohio. I don't care how far South in the state it is. It snows here every damn year. It may not snow AS much, but it snows. Lets show a little preparation, lets show a little poise, and lets not cry like little babies when a snow flake hits.

A Muted Society

A spot for Vonage came on my television the other night. Vonage, for those of you who may be unfamiliar, is a telephone company that offers digital phone service that can be connected through your high speed internet connection. [See also: Magic Jack (ha ha Magic Jack), Time Warner Digital Phone (and I am sure a slew of others with comparable services.)]

The incentive with digital phone through high speed internet is a flat rate for long distance calls (in case you live in the 90's and still call long distance on your landline and not on your cell phone for free). Vonage takes incentive a step further. Through Vonage you can receive your VOICE mails from your landline number in the form of text or email from a computer or mobile device. Does anyone else see the problem with this?

We are a society that has grown quite fond of instant messaging, email, social networking messages, blogging, and of course texting. Now for just 24.99 a month you can receive audio messages in words. WOW, look at how far the human race has come! Soon, we won't have to talk anymore; a mute society. We will just type and read. Think about it, earth will be like a giant library.

"We're Comin For Ya"

Once again the NFL playoffs have left us with some superb football memories. The Arizona Cardinals will be playing for their first ring ever and that team from PA will be playing for their SIXTH!!! However, you won’t see the best action from the playoffs on a high light reel. Nope, not this year. This year you will have to Baltimore Raven press conferences to obtain the most incredible highlights from the 2009 playoffs. Of course I am talking about the commentary provided by Mr. Derrick Mason.

How long will it be before we see this guy on a beer commercial? I watched sports center religiously throughout the playoffs just for the chance to see what Mr. Mason had to say. He is arguably one of the best characters in sports. Just look at the guy. It looks like he draws his beard on with a Sharpie. I pictured a room full of reports with smiles ear-to-ear waiting to hear what was on his mind. At 35, he uses the most old school, cliché smack tactics. In fact I am surprised anyone even showed up to play the Ravens after Mr. Mason informed the nation that "were comin' for ya!" Derrick Mason is a man amongst boys in my eyes. How dare the Steelers deprive us of two more weeks of sound bites. Who knows what would come out of the man's mouth with a Championship on the line.