Check Your Tires

Mike Bruns is dating the biggest “c-word” on the planet. I have always been able to be somewhat civil with this broad, Torey, but this weekend things escalated a little quicker than most people anticipated.

Thursday evening my fellow friends and I decided that we were going to have some people over. For this little shin-dig Joe Kenney had to cover about $50 extra for people that we had not seen yet. Well Joe simply asked Bruns if he could ask Torey for a few bucks. Upon hearing this Torey immediately blew up on Bruns for not giving her any money yet for a party that nobody knew was even going to happen the next night.

As the night progressed and we all had our flows going at a “Weezy-type” level, Torey and Bruns broke up, for the 100th time. If there is one thing that I cannot stand to see it is one of my boys getting treated like poop. So I did the only logical thing that I could think of at 3a.m. Friday morning, I let the air out of all of Torey’s tires.

I know what you all are thinking right about now, and yes I am insane. Upon realizing that her air was out of her tires she immediately began crying and called her parents, yes her parents got brought into this. When I saw her it took every ounce of strength that I have in my tiny little body not to laugh at her mascara stained face. I was than given the news that her parents wanted to talk to my parents. I simply told her that “this is not f****** high school, Torey, it is a simple prank. You are out of your mind if you think you are talking to my parents about this.”

After all of the air was back in the tires on Friday I decided to head down to Torey’s house for a party. Not really knowing how I would be received I entered and the place erupted in laughter, Torey was/still is pissed. As I began to make my way through the room the people in the room, Torey’s housemates included began to chant “For he’s a jolly good fellow” to me. While I am flattered that people would start this cheer for me, what the f*** is going through people’s minds? I know I am nuts, but “for he’s a jolly good fellow?” Seriously?