Notre Dame sucks

As many of you know, this is expected to be quite the weekend. So after getting bombed on our two days off, plus the fact that I think I might be getting sick, as well as having a quiz this morning, I decided to take a night off and stay in last night. That seemed like the smart and responsible thing to do. Unfortunately it did not work out quite the way I had planned.

The downfall of my night was brought on my none other than J Sauer's sister's boyfriend, who is down for the weekend from Notre Dame. While I was staying sober, the visitor and a few others decided to have a mixed drink or two and a couple beers (which apparently is a lot if you go to ND) Being the great hosts that we are, we told our friend from up north that he could have J Sauer's bed, who happened to be in Bloomington for the night. That was a mistake.

I am awoken to the sound of this guy ralfing up breakfast, lunch, and dinner, all over our guy table/desk, which happened to be covered with school papers, notebooks, and my new hat. He proceeded to hit up the bathroom where I had the privilege to hear him dry heave for a few minutes before he hit the sack in my suite mates room.

I feel like I should make some kind of joke about J Sauer's sister, since it was her boyfriend and all, but I'll refrain. I'm going to end this by giving everyone a bit of a warning. Do not let anyone from Notre Dame ever sleep in your room.

White Death

The Queen City is perhaps the worst city for snow in the Mid-West. A summary of my last three days.

Tuesday when the snow hit: pandaemonium

I would have been enjoying my three hour delay of classes by sleeping, but I was bombarded with numerous texts and phone calls about how bad the storm was from my native Cicinattian class-mates. It was as if they have never seen a snow flake before. I will admit, yes it was a lot of snow for this area, but for God's sake...you have got to be fucking kidding me. People were spinning out everywhere, getting stuck, and literally shaking behind the wheel. I passed people going the speed limit (the roads were average in my opinion) and they looked at me like I had a death wish. 

Drivers were so dramatic. I was following an SUV up a hill and he was spinning out everywhere, just gassing it.  He was turning his wheel back and forth like he was about to fall off a cliff. Watching this I became very nervous in my POS. Maybe I was just too confident. I thought I was about to get stuck. Nope, not today. Didn't spin out once, didn't get stuck, didn't turn my wheel at all. Just went right up the hill. 

The plows were driving around like they had just been trained. The held their plows inches from the ground in the air. How the hell do you push snow and clear the roads when your plow isn't even on the damn ground???? Even more shocking, they were pushing snow towards the middle of the road in some areas on my commute. Is that a joke or something? I guess in North East Ohio we are fortunate to have plows who push the snow to the side of the road. Maybe that is too logical. 

Wednesday: Love Lock-down (this was the worst day of snow)

Of course it snowed even more Tuesday night, Wednesday morning. The snow-chaosed city learned its lesson from the day before and shut down. I live on a busy street and barely heard any plows. I tried to go get food later that night and nothing was open. I did not realize that businesses got snow days as well. Today, I did nothing. 

Thursday: No clever title, just pissed. 

Today it took me 40 minutes to get home from school. Mind you, it is a normal 10 minute drive. Mind you, the main roads are completely clear. Mind you, on the radio the Disc Jockeys are still making a huge deal about the snow and warning with caution about driving. People were CRAWLING on clear, SNOWLESS roads. I do not know if they were scared that the snow pushed to the sides of the roads was going to come out and attack them or what. Plows have also had three full days and nights (I assume plows work around the clock in snow emergencies) to clear off side roads. Today, I did not see one side road cleared. 

Look Cincinnati, I am gonna give it to you straight. This is the mid-west. This is Ohio. I don't care how far South in the state it is. It snows here every damn year. It may not snow AS much, but it snows. Lets show a little preparation, lets show a little poise, and lets not cry like little babies when a snow flake hits.

Milestone Night

Have you ever had one of those nights that surpasses all those to date in your life? Well, I had one of those tonight. I started off innocent, got real naughty, and then just became ridiculous. Pete North himself couldn't write a climax that compared to what happened tonight. 

I began tonight by drinking a couple beers, watching Mike slam a power shake, and then going to the Xavier basketball game. This is the place where dreams are made of because Xavier smacked the shit out of Charlotte Web and it was still boring as hell. I should have gone to the UC game because apparently ticket were free and that game was the shit. 

We left the game feeling good, i say good, but good as in better than OJ getting off on non-guilty results. Drive home, considering if was better for a monkey to drive than Mike because it is apparent that a brick has more dexterity than my current cauffer.

We drop off our other non-bromosexual guests and proceed to downtown Cincinnati where Enormo and I decide that there is no other choice but to go to Buddakahn.

10:20 - We finally arrive at Buddakahn, slam a couple 312's and start feeling like its 1969. Shoot the shit, for a bit and realize that pool is our calling. Jerri (Female) and Kate (Female - Post-op), both over 30 and horny as Chris Henry after seeing a Cheer For America Commerical, join us for a friendly(overly) game of pool. Flirt, as I'm about to shoot she yells out "Be nice to me" and I almost lose it. I unfortunately am still timid and just say "I do them one at a time" (lame). I miss. As she lines up, with her Jodie Dence masked in Penelope Cruz ass, Kevin yells "oooooooo baby, be nice to me!" Done, I lost it.

Forward, we sit back down at the bar still laughing at the hilarity that has ensued. Slam a couple Rumplemints and get ready to leave. As we are walking out I see my neighbor from my apartment, Zach. Now let me tell you something about Zach, he is a large Republican Mother Fucker. Imagine the Big Show had a mutant child that took steroids since age 5. Now think that this man that mutant to shame. That is Zach.

Now Zach is the most unreal man i have ever met. 30, a lawyer, divorced once, but still has the heart of lion. I feel in love the first time i met him because I wasn't gay I was his best friend.

So I say to Zach as we are about to leave but us leaving was the furthest thing from happening. I call out to him and say hi. He still can't believe that I'm heterosexual and buys us a round of Yeagar-Bombs. Fucked up. Play a little pool. Time for our next Yeager-Bomb. More fucked up. Play some pool. A homeless guy gets into it with a guy at the bar, fighting begins, Zach steps in and everyone is cool. I say good job and I buy a round of Rumplemints. Real fucked up.

2:34 We finally leave Buddakahn and proceed to walk home. Zach picks up a ice chunk and throws it at a cop car. Not a big deal. He walks over and starts laughing, he calls me over, he knows the cop. Roger. Roger is laughing his ass off and introduces us to the Newbie Terrel. First night on duty. Learning the ropes real quick. Zach explains that it essential to know my local law enforcement because one day I will be in handcuffs.

As we start to walk this kid that knows Zach starts making snow angels in a parking lot, we laugh, but we move on as the snow plows come and almost run over his sorry ass. We go to Rockin' Robins, slam tall shots of JD and sit in amusement as the two guys that we are with start to rumble at the bar. Ha we get introduced to a famous painter, forget his name, Tom something, makes bank, real slouch.

Finally get kicked out of Rockin' Robins and Zach proceeds to ask if I have ever seen the abandoned part our apartment complex. For those of you don't know, I live in old Macy's downtown Cincinnati. I exasperated say no, and he says we need beers and he's taking us there.

We walk to the Shillito Lofts, loaded, and walk to the back of the complex, in my mind I had no idea what to expect. He took us to the Mecca of abandoned department stores. Imagine a mall, torn to shit, trashed by zombies, and still open for business. That was what we walked into. Zach tells me that him and his buddies (now Kevin and I are invited) do huge rounds of paintball, Tap-out style. That means no pads, close combat, bloody hell.

He shows us around and then inquires if we have ever been of the roof? I obviously say now because whatever he is about to show me I want to see. We go the 7th floor, climb some stairs, pick a couple locks on we are on the F-ing roof. Rafts and all, beautiful fucking view of Cincinnati. We hang out, drink a couple beers up there. Now are talking complete non-sense, raves, strippers, all the things that make young boys cry, you know.

Apparently Zach tells me of a place that no one knows about, the fucking Babylonian Gardens, where we can all party, no limits, and emphasizes that we can do whatever we want there. This is the place that we are soon going to be, the new Gomorra. I can't wait to show this place to everyone I know because it is epic. No Windows, sound proof, and no one knows about it outside of you all, zach, greg, kevin, myself, and the creepy one legged hooker that came along with us.

I'm not really sure if I can really put this night into perspective, but it is 4am, and I have to make sure that this night is remembered somehow. I have goose-marks, bumps, whatever. Well all I want to pass on to you right now is one thing, life is goodTM. And for all of those who get the pleasure of seeing me next weekend I will show you a world that ever Zeus never imagined. 

KONG (No one is ever good enough for you but there are some that are better than others) 

+1

I walk into a 7-Eleven tonight to buy my customary tin of Skoal Straight. A new employee is confused and I have to guide him through their embarrassing tobacco selection until he finally finds my special treat. As he brings it to the counter, I make a little small talk saying, “You know man, I’m from Indiana. They know their tobacco out there.”

He looks at me and laughs a little bit under his breath, which is to say he had no idea what I said. He rings me up, and the lady behind me chimes in. Uh, oh!

She says, “My daughter has a boyfriend from out in your area.”

I turn around and smile even though she looks like someone just beat her up. I respond politely, “Really? Where’s he from?”

She says, “Colorado”. I shake my head in disgust as Colorado is a good 18 hours away from Indiana. She points to her chin as she continues, “He chews that stuff too. It’s disgusting.”

I look at her with a deadpan expression and say, “Awesome. Thanks so much for the input.”

She immediately realizes I am mocking her comment .She takes one last stand as I begin walking out. “I'm just saying…”

I interrupt before she can get another word out. “What does that say about your daughter?” The Indian guy behind the counter laughs, and I win again (at least until I get mouth cancer).

-B.R

p.s. Don't forget our President's Day deals at all Honda and Toyota dealerships! Our new '09 Corollas and Civics get over 35 miles per gallon and we've got 'em for cheap, cheap, cheap!!!!!!

Who wants to know?

According to ProFootballTalk.com, the San Francisco 49ers have found a replacement for legendary coach Mike Martz. Florio types:

After several other candidates interviewed for the position, the San Francisco 49ers hired Jimmy Raye II to become the team’s new offensive coordinator, according to Adam Schefter of NFL Network.

Raye served as the Jets’ running backs coach in 2008. As we reported on Tuesday, his contract was not going to be renewed.

Hopefully Jimmy Raye II turns out better than Jimmy Ray I:

What Really Caused the Hudson River Plane Crash

Thought this was too funny to keep for myself. Also I would like to point out that I am the leading contributor. This has nothing to do with quality, but in life only quantity matters. Its all about the name on the back.

The "Me First" Stigma

(Fuck You Neil Armstrong)

We all know people who just have to be the first in everything they do. Thus, if they are the first to do or have something before you, they are better than you. We find this is the situation in many cases.

• I started listening to John Mayer before he was cool, so I'm better than you
• I had sex with her first, so I'm better than you
• I got those hot new Skecher's before you, so I'm better than you
• I'm first in line to get my Star Wars: Attack of the Clones tickets, so I'm better than you

Undoubtedly, if any of these scenarios have been the case for you, i concede and yes, you are better than me. But i say, fuck that Me First mentality, I want to be Last at everything I do and still be better than you.

• I want to be the last one to blackout after slamming Long Islands, thus, I'm better than you
• I want to be the last one to actually see The Notebook, thus, I'm better than you
• I want to be last one to die in a Van Dame movie, thus, I'm better than you
• I want to be last one to explode in bed, thus, I'm better than you
• I want to be the last one to say congratulations to Ed McBread's on his wedding day, thus, I am way way way better than you

You get the picture. This is the mentality that winners are made of, not being the first, but being the last. And hell, if you have any Catholic training, you bitches know who will get into heaven first. Me, Bitch!

Eric "Howie" Dubes

Ever wonder what Eric does all day at the office?



For those of you who don't know...Eric is secretly Howie Mandel, star of Deal or No Deal and the new show Howie Do It. Eric loves to strut around with his sole patch and flirt with girls at the office and hit on girls with white hats on the weekends.

Rookies

Every time a weather phenomenon occurs, a few things come out of the woodwork. First of all, it ruins having fun 65% of the time because you can't go anywhere or do anything. I'm not talking about just snow days, but earlier in the year there was that huge power outage for days and other shit. No one can truly function for more than eight hours without technology unless you are Bear Grylls. Today, I am stuck in my house with nowhere to go (for some reason the tornado sirens are going off right now) and I really want to leave. I may go drink, but that means that I can't watch Dexter all day. 

Another thing that happens is that people get so excited the moment this weather stuff occurs, and then they realize.... oh fuck there's nothing to do. So my house decides to get up at 930 and scream and sing, while angry sammich is trying to sleep. He is trying to sleep because he, unlike the others, didn't even set an alarm for his quiz at ten, knowing it was going to be cancelled. Sammich went to bed at five, with confidence, because he is smart and enjoys weather.

The third that ALWAYS happens is by far the worst. Suddenly, every person becomes an expert on what has occurred. Also, they always have stories about stuff that happened in the past that is related. I am baffled that there are 15,000 college kids around me who are already meteorologists. Before going into school, that's all I wanted to do, study weather. Then I realized you needed geometry so I said fuck that, but still decided to learn about it. 

Over the summer we had a tornado "rip" through Oxford. By rip through I mean it was five miles north and everyone said it was in this crusty town. As I was sitting in the basement of my frat house, I was very glad to know that all I needed to do for a professional weather update was ask anyone in the room what was happening outside. I have the wrong attitude right now. Instead of enjoying my day off, I am bitching about stupid people. Negative nancy.

OKAY PEOPLE MOVE ALONG

Nothin' to see here people. Just moove along.

All About Country

First of all, I do not like country music. Yes, I have been listening to one song by Taylor Swift on repeat for the past day, but I do like chicks and I do not enjoy country. This raises a few points. I was digging up some information on hot country singers and I came across some dirt about one of our fellow contributors.

Last year, a country singer by the name of Mindy McCready was released from prison. She was behind bars scissoring with inmates for beating up her mother (someone's grandma). Mrs. McCready apparently can't wait to go home and see her "baby boy" whom is not a baby anymore. Mrs. McCready is also looking to start her own reality show featuring her son and his beat: "I feel as if everyone really wants to know when the two are going to tie the knot so I figured I would be a good mother and make it a nationwide ordeal. Personally I remember when my son would masturbate 4-5 times per day when he didn't have a girlfriend so I really hope they get married soon." Mrs. McCready's son was unavailable for comment.

We had a few interns try and find out more information about the fling and it appears as if these two are really in love. Apparently the beat can be a little crazy at times because she is already to pop out some kids. The would be father is by no means mature enough to handle a kid at this point. Mrs. McCready volunteered to take care of the child. This does include breastfeeding since the beat cannot lactate.

In other country news... who is hotter... Carrie Underwood or Taylor Swift?

Snow Day Bitches

So is there any better feeling than waking up in the morning and finding out you have a snow day? No. In honor of this bullshit snow day we have here down in Norwood, I will be posting a video for all your viewing pleasure while I do a Power Hour and try not to remember the day.

Have a great day and see you all this weekend.

You probably don't care but...

My guess is this is the first time most of you has ever heard of Sacha Kljestan. The US international midfielder who is currently playing with MLS side Chivas USA spent a week training with Celtic FC earlier this month. They seemed a bit doubtful of his abilities at first, considering he is undersized and only getting in garbage games with the national team.

Then the 24th of January happened. Sacha notched the first hat trick in national team history since 1934, in a friendly match against Sweden, silencing many of his doubters. Rumor has it Celtic is prepared to offer him a contract worth around $3.5 mil.

The only down side to this is that he could potentially sign with the Bhoys and be left to rot on the bench, thus stunting his development and his value to the US. Hopefully though, with the expected departure of Celtic star Shunsuke Nakamura, he will get some quality pt, and develop into a world class midfielder.

Funky Fresh Senior Choir

So I have been sitting around all day trying to be productive. I am trying to get some things done before the big trip to Cincy on Friday. So I start off alright, looking for jobs and what not. I talk to Gaskill on and off for a while and here I am at my computer. For anyone who has asked me what I do all day, this is somewhat of a standard day. Anyway. I found this on College Humor.

You might be thinking what a strange name for a post. But this is actually the name of this choir! I know I couldn't fucking believe it either. You gotta try and watch it. Its weird yes, but I had to watch the whole thing. I was entertained.

Holy Crap I need a Job

Nashional Pastime

Steve Nash is probably the best point guard of our generation ... for me to dunk on. I've watched basically every Hawks game this year, and this has to be the dunk of the year:



I assumed that Smith's dunk was the most ferocious Nash had ever endured, but Atlanta Hawks shooting consultant, Mark Price, was quick to argue that his former teammate Ricky Davis' dunk was superior:



Obviously, that's no way to treat a two-time MVP, but, manners aside, I think it's pretty clear that Josh Smith's dunk is superior. He shows an utter disregard for Nash's presence, while Davis acknowledges Nash and steps on his chest. Sure, the step adds dramatic effect, but you can't penalize Smith for not needing a boost.

Kobe is pretty good too:



Sites Plagerized: Ball Don't Lie

I've mentioned this to a couple people, but I highly recommend watching the Basketball Jones videos (they're on BDL, too). They changed to a video format awhile ago, and they're great. It's like 20min each, and it's better than any NBA show on TV.

Happy Super Bowl Week

Although I have been able to read the blog daily and I plan on contributing the best I can, school and work will more than likely prevent me from posting frequently. With that in mind I will try to make sure what I am able to write will be somewhat substantive and hopefully worth reading.
This week is, of course, Super Bowl Week and I am well aware that you will all be inundated with a plethora of articles, previews, matchups-to-watch and expert picks. Some will be insightful, others repetitive or obvious and some are guaranteed to be downright asinine.

Most of you are probably thinking, great, Log is going to write a stupid article about why the Steelers are so great and why they are going to win. Both of those statements are likely true, but neither will be the premise of my Super Bowl “preview”. I thought it would be beneficial to hear some thoughts from someone who has watched almost every Steelers game this year and read numerous articles about them. I have not watched too many Cardinals games, but as I’m sure everyone is aware, Ken Wisenhut used to be the OC in Pittsburgh, and so I think I know a thing or two how he operates as well. Here are a few key points that, in my mind, will determine who will win on Sunday. I’ll try to be as unbiased as possible.

Key #1
Arizona’s offensive packages and Steelers ability to adjust

This is what the Steelers should be afraid of. This was the last time they really got shit on by an opposing offense. How did it happen? New England basically decided to pass every play. They worked almost exclusively from a four wide-out set and ran a no-huddle offense, forcing the Steelers to keep the same personnel on the field. The biggest body, Casey Hampton, is a great run stopper but a very ineffective pass rusher and, more importantly, he is completely incapable of dropping into coverage (unlike the other two DL, which makes it possible to run zone blitzes). Essentially the Patriots were playing 11 on 10 and Pittsburgh got embarrassed. The Cardinals have not played out of a four wide-out set much this year but I think it is possible that Wisenhut to gives it a try. They definitely have the offense tools to do it. If they do and Tomlin/LeBeau don’t adjust by swapping fat-ass Hampton for a more versatile pass-rusher/pass-defender the Steelers will have a hard time stopping Warner et al and have a slim chance of winning.

Key #2
Darnell Dockett

I said I don’t know much about the Cardinals but I do know this guy is legit. He’s a little undersized but he makes up for it with speed and technique. He is sure to cause problems for a Pittsburgh OL that has been inconsistent in pass protection throughout the season. He’s going to get to Roethlisberger, that isn’t a question. The key will be how Ben deals with it (or the pressure from the rest of the Cardinals’ defense line that arises from Dockett being double teamed). Roethlisberger’s mobility and ability to evade pressure will help. But he must not be pressured into making ill-advised throws or fumbling. You’re probably thinking, “no shit, of course if he turns it over that is bad” but the reason I consider it a key to the game is because, while Arizona’s defense is not great, they do have the highest takeaway margin in the league this year, which can make up for a lot (see Cincinnati Bengals circa 2004/2005). If Pittsburgh doesn’t turn the ball over Arizona will have a difficult time even staying in the game, and neutralizing Darnell Dockett will go a long way toward making that a reality.

Key #3
Pittsburgh’s Offensive Play calling

Most people will find it mildly annoying to hear someone whose team is playing in the Super Bowl complain about their team’s coaches, but I am going to do it anyway. The Steelers have offensive talent. They have an established quarterback, talented receivers, two very good tight-ends and a running back who would have led the league in rushing last year if he hadn’t gotten hurt. Their offense line has been inconsistent but it is definitely not below average. What holds them back is simply the unimaginative and often haphazard way in which plays are called. For example, the Steelers are one of the worst teams in the league at converting fourth downs. Why? Because it seems as though every fourth and short they call the same play—off tackle plunge left. They are more likely to convert a third and long (when Roethlisberger usually has to improvise) than they are a third and short. OC Bruce Arians has refused to use I-form all season even though it is best suited for Parker’s running style (plenty of speed but often lacking vision). They continue to run two TE sets with tight ends who are average blockers and rarely throw to the second tight end.

To Bruce Arian’s credit, he called a much better game against the Ravens. But it was not without questionable decisions. Shotgun on third and one? Where was the play action to take advantage of the Raven’s over-aggressiveness? Too often this year the Steelers have relied on their defense to win the game for them. I’m convinced that if they didn’t have a quarterback with the ability to improvise like Roethlisberger, they wouldn’t have even made the playoffs. The Cardinals are going to score some points—they are too good of an offense not to. If Pittsburgh is going to win they will have to be competent on offense and score some points on their own.


So those are a few things to watch for come Sunday. I feel cautiously confident about the Steelers chances, even though Vegas has them as seven point favorites. I’m not making any predictions. On paper they are the better team, but as we all know, that usually doesn’t mean shit. I hope my preview wasn’t too Pittsburgh focused, and that you all enjoy the game—I think it will be a good one.

Check Your Tires

Mike Bruns is dating the biggest “c-word” on the planet. I have always been able to be somewhat civil with this broad, Torey, but this weekend things escalated a little quicker than most people anticipated.

Thursday evening my fellow friends and I decided that we were going to have some people over. For this little shin-dig Joe Kenney had to cover about $50 extra for people that we had not seen yet. Well Joe simply asked Bruns if he could ask Torey for a few bucks. Upon hearing this Torey immediately blew up on Bruns for not giving her any money yet for a party that nobody knew was even going to happen the next night.

As the night progressed and we all had our flows going at a “Weezy-type” level, Torey and Bruns broke up, for the 100th time. If there is one thing that I cannot stand to see it is one of my boys getting treated like poop. So I did the only logical thing that I could think of at 3a.m. Friday morning, I let the air out of all of Torey’s tires.

I know what you all are thinking right about now, and yes I am insane. Upon realizing that her air was out of her tires she immediately began crying and called her parents, yes her parents got brought into this. When I saw her it took every ounce of strength that I have in my tiny little body not to laugh at her mascara stained face. I was than given the news that her parents wanted to talk to my parents. I simply told her that “this is not f****** high school, Torey, it is a simple prank. You are out of your mind if you think you are talking to my parents about this.”

After all of the air was back in the tires on Friday I decided to head down to Torey’s house for a party. Not really knowing how I would be received I entered and the place erupted in laughter, Torey was/still is pissed. As I began to make my way through the room the people in the room, Torey’s housemates included began to chant “For he’s a jolly good fellow” to me. While I am flattered that people would start this cheer for me, what the f*** is going through people’s minds? I know I am nuts, but “for he’s a jolly good fellow?” Seriously?

Upset City

With the 81st Academy awards approaching I thought it would be fun to take a look back at some of the worst snubs ever. Of course everyone has their own opinion but mine is always right so you do have to agree. Without further ado, here are the five biggest snub jobs of all-time (since I was born) at the Oscar's.

5) We are going all the back to 2006 for number five. For the award of best supporting actor, the Oscar went to Alan Arkin for his role in Little Miss Sunshine. That movie was possibly the worst movie ever made that most people like. Who did he beat out? Marky Mark in The Departed. This is completely biased. I hate little miss sunshine and I get wood to Markymark in the Departed. I had to debate between this and Nicholson getting beat in '92 for his role in A Few Good Men.

4) In 1995 Nicholas Cage won an Oscar for the best actor in some movie I've never heard of before. Since all of America hates Cage, I can only assume he didn't deserve it. I guess you wouldn't call this a snub, but you would call it complete shit. Richard Dreyfus was nominated for Mr. Holland's Opus which is a pretty cool flick and he did a pretty good job. Better than Cage ever will. SNUB.

3) Well honestly I just wanted to make a top three list but three isn't enough. So yea I just threw the first two in for fun. Here is where it gets serious. The year is 2002 and the award is best picture. The gay ass musical Chicago takes it home over Gangs of New York. Shocking. I would have taken two of the other nominees, LOTR 2 or The Pianist over Chicago. Gangs of New York is phenomenal. By the way John C. Reilly was nominated for an Oscar for best supporting actor that year for Chicago. How?

2) 1998, Best picture. The winner: Shakespeare in Love. The winner in everyone else's eyes... Saving Ryan's Privates. This needs no follow up.

1) The worst snub of all time was because of the whole affirmative action thing. It spread to Hollywood to create one of America's worst moments ever. In 2000, Russell Crowe won the Oscar for best actor for Gladiator. Deserved it? Probably, the rest of the nominees were weak. The next year (2001) Ron Howard directs A Beautiful Mind starring Crowe. The film wins the best picture award (as it should). Crowe gives one of the best acting performances I've ever seen. Who wins the Oscar for the best actor? Denzel Washington for Training Day. It was so racist. Crowe > Dwash. I mean they should have actually had a 2nd place award for that year because Crowe had it locked up. Then, Sean Penn or Will Smith would have won 2nd and 3rd and Denzel wouldn't have gotten shit. The reason that the NAACP chose Denzel to win the Oscar over Will SMith was because Smith is actually white. Thanks affirmative action.

I'm done. Notice one thing. No women on this list. That's because women shouldn't be allowed to drive or vote.

Yes, I'd like 20 Shots of Bron Please

CB...you're barking up the right tree and I like it.  Currently the NBA has a ban against courtside advertising from hard liquor companies.  However, with the NBA looking to increase revenue during the sluggish economy NBA owners just reversed this ban.  Soon, hard liquor advertisements will be able to be seen at camera level and teams may also begin advertising some hard liq on their websites.  The NBA will be joining MLB, NHL, and NASCAR in this prestigious league to promote hard liq at camera level.  The NFL does not allow hard liquor advertising at camera level.

Following up CB's question, when will LeBron be endorsed by a hard liquor?  While I don't know of any athletes outside of NASCAR (are they athletes?  People in Virginia think so) that are endorsed by alcohol, CB certainly makes a point with Crown Royal.  The idea fits perfect for LBJ.  I can certainly see this in the future.  I don't think he has to do anything "special" to garner such an endorsement, rather, just wait for clearance from the NBA and/or his agent, publicist, or whomever deals with his endorsement deals.  How awesome would it be to order a shot of Crown Bron at the bar?  Pretty cool if you ask me.

War Bron and Cokes.

-'Killa

Every King a Crown

I am not a big Lebron fan by any means. I actually hate the NBA but I have been coming around on it the last couple years I guess. Long story short. Lebron is King James right? Crown Royal is running its "Every King a Crown" thing. When is Lebron going to endorse Crown? Does he have to win a Championship first? How much more appealing would Crown Royal be if it was endorsed by Lebron right? Just saw a Crown commercial and saw Lebron on ESPN.

Head in the clouds.

CB

Where Are They Now? - Marley Shelton

This is beginning of segment which I hope to do weekly called "Where are they now?" Obviously you can figure out the context, all those famous people that we once loved but have now disappeared off the face of the earth due to one reason or another (Drugs, Sexual Offenses, Civil Unions, Obesity, or that they just plan sucked and deserve to be forgotten).

And....here....we....go.....

Marley Shelton - aka Wendy Peffercorn

Then:

Now:

(Haha this picture was found at www.celebritysweaterpuppies.com ha)

See moved us in ways that only a young pubescent boy could imagine. As Benny the Jet Rodriguez was stroking home runs on the diamonds, we were all stroking a different type of wood on the couch. Since her time atop the lifeguard chair she has moved on to such films as:

• Sugar and Spice
• Bubble Boy
• Uptown Girls

Then she fucked Quentin Tarantino and got starting roles in:

• Sin City
• Planet Terror
• Death Proof

Remember the name because you'll probably being watching smut that you bored from Mike Hughes starring her, real, real soon.

Lemon Out

I Had a Bad Day

I driving home from my girlfriends house on Thursday morning after a long night of boning. The day's agenda look like this... Shower, drive to class because I am lazy, go to biochem lab for three hours, then go straight to work for four hours. So it sounds like a bad day. Then the unexpected happens... boom flat tire. So I continue to drive home on my rim. I have class all day so fixing it will have to wait until tomorrow.

I shower, and now I have to walk to class. Halfway there... forgot something important. So I have to walk back home and I decide to skip class. I sent my prof an email saying I have a flat tire I'm not coming to class. 

Outside in the cold, I hire my roommate to change my flat because I don't want to/know how to. Meanwhile, I receive text messages from the girls in my class saying that my teacher pulled up her email on the giant projection screen and this initiated a 5 minute conversation about me. Keep in mind there are 35 people in my class and I am the only guy. I can only imagine what they are saying. 

The next morning I take my car to the high quality Jeff Pohlman auto service center that sponsors bridgestone or something like that. They offer free flat repair but I have a lifetime warranty anyway. So I drop off my car and get a call saying that my tire is unrepairable because it has a PINHOLE in the side wall. Someone please explain why a pinhole is unfixable. This means it is going to cost my 130 bucks for a new tire. No way, I'm out.

I have to go to Hamilton, OH now to go to an actual Firestone service center. Over in Hamilton, people don't believe in showering, personal hygiene, or use of condoms, nuvarings, BC, etc. I pull in and they say okay its unfixable we can give you a new one for 16 bucks and it will take five minutes. One and a half hours later I leave and miss my 3rd straight class.

Victoria's Secret

For the better part of my life I have always been curious about Victoria's Secret. Ever since I was about 12, when I found out that sister was getting porno's sent to the house addressed to her, I became obviously intrigued and needed more. But throughout my life I have not been able to answer the forbidden question: "What is Victoria's Secret?" Here I explore some options.

Pow. After performing some field research, I came (twice) to these results.

One, ironically enough I believe that it may indeed be that she is not wearing any panties. Which is cool.

Two, dat bitch b a nympho. Sucks toes. Role Play. Supplementing Smucker's in place of KY. Gets moist when she eats a popsicle. I can go on and on but you know the type. 

(Suck on dez, by the way, I almost vomited when I saw these)

Scerp. Three, the obvious but most likely. That Victoria does have a secret, yes, and its tucked between her legs. Some people, some I know personally,  would feel like a kid on christmas day to get this surprise, but a shooter in place of a cooter is never news I want to receive.

In Conclusion, Vicky, whatever your secret may be, i respect that I may never know what is. But in return I want to thank you for everything you've done for me. See page 32 of the Spring 2008 Swimsuit Edition.

 

 

marisol guadalupe tambor futbol

oh hi aelx, man i;m loaded

Jones Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage

I made a little trip up to Milwaukee to visit Denny last night. I was posted hard this morning at his place while he went to class. I had to show him this video when he got back:



Everyone who has seen it has liked it. Here's part 2.



You can find him on them internets.

Firmly posted.
Living the dream.

CB

Where Are They Now?

While sitting at work today and enjoying my morning coffee I stumbled across a gold mine.  I was reading "With Leather - The only sports blog with PTSD" and found this.  A blog that dedicates part of it's time to a "Where are they now?" section.  Specifically they deal with finding out where past college ballers in their day are now?  Today's feature was the once dominant Marcus Fizer.  The Bulls drafted this joke of a player.  That didn't work out too well for them.  By clicking on the above link you too can find out where he is today.  I can tell you this, he is definitely not hitting up sorority parties with his old coach Larry Eustachy.  

After reading and instantly becoming mesmerized, my mind began wondering where some of my favorite players are these days.  One Godzilla of a force came to mind.  Those of you who went to Xavier will have a true appreciation for this man.  Those who did not get a chance to see him play.  Well, I'm sorry, you missed out on a true dominant post player.  Where is Will Caudle now?

I chose to research where Will is now because that blog only researches players who: left college as an underclassmen, drafted in the 1st round of the NBA draft, drafted between 1990 and 2008, and not currently on a NBA roster.  Shockingly, Will fits into none of these categories.

Let me briefly give you a Will Caudle history lesson.  First of all, you better address him as Big Will because that's his nick name.  He Attended Warren Central High School in Indianapolis, it is here that he shattered a backboard in a game.  This has not been confirmed but it is a rumor that is swirling about.  Just ask Justin Cage.  After terrorizing opponents in high school he brought his game to Xavier University.  It is at Xavier University where many may argue that Will Suffered some bad breaks.  Maybe he didn't get the shot he deserved.  Maybe he was not as skilled as those who played before him.  We can all sit around and speculate.  What I do know is that in Will's time at Xavier he was on three A-10 Championship teams and an Elite 8 team.  To me that is a pretty successful career no matter what type of numbers you put up.  It was also during this time period that Dedrick Finn aptly informed Big Will during a drill that "if he wanted to make it to the league (NBA) he better finish his shots."  And finish he did.   

So we obviously know that Will went to Xavier University.  I bet you are all salivating at the mouth wondering, "what could Big Will be doing these days?"  After exhaustive research, I can answer that question for you.  Will is still shooting the rock for a living.  He has become quite the journey man.  Currently Will is playing across the pond in the land that Constantine built.  That's right, he's playing for power house Gelisim in Turkey.  If you can read Turkish you can humor us all and give us Will's current stats.  Big Will has also spent time in the WBA,  South America playing in Argentina, Venezuela, and Dominican Republic, and he also spent time in Macedonia.  He seems to be a fan of the lands of "the explorers" or the "fertile crescent."  Good for Will.  It pleases me that he is still getting the job done and supporting his family.

Will is fondly remembered by his great work ethic, dominant sky hook, mid range J, and rim rattling slam dunks.  Not to mention one of the most outlandish celebrations known to man.  It's half gorilla and half praise to the God above.  At least we can all rest safely at night knowing that Will is rocking those rims over in Istanbul.  In closing I would just like to quote EUROBASKET.com, "He (Will) is physical, gets after it and plays 100% on every play."

War getting paid to play basketball.

-'Killa

I hope one of Big Will's celebrations or earth shaking dunks did not cause this.

Man Crush

Everyone has a man crush. I feel if you don't then that actually makes you more gay. Well for years I got a hard on for any Brad Pitt film just like most girls. Now I have moved on to a different shaft per say. Is there anyone cooler than Justin Timberlake right now? Nope. I mean he is talented, funny, has a great hard body, and is totally sexier than me.

He has dated Spears in her prime, Alyssa Milano, CAMERON DIAZ, and rumored sexual affairs with Scarlett. He has also been inside of Jessica Biel and I'm sure hundreds of other women.

I also own both JT cd's and I am anxiously awaiting the next one. Totally straight. When he is in a movie, I make a point to see it. The Love Guru, great character. The man is funny. He did those MTV movie awards or something and I giggled like a girl.

The best of JT clearly comes from random cameo's. Dick in a box, his all the single ladies spoof, and of course the video that never gets old....

I'm neither Kath nor Kim

I couldn't wait to watch the Office tonight. I was so pumped that I turned on NBC to make sure I didn't forget to turn it on by 8:00. I won't be making that mistake again. I mean, don't get me wrong, the show looked pretty good. Just based on the last three minutes of the show, I thought it was pretty good. I'm embarrassed to admit that I was considering tuning into the office at 7:30 next week just to see what Kath and Kim were up to.

It wasn't until the last commercial at 7:58 that I knew never to go to the office early. It was promoting the show, and it said "Hey all you Fashionistas!!! Play Kath and Kim paper dolls! Plus find out if you're a Kath or a Kim! It's all fun and games at NBC.com." I felt gay.

*** It wasn't until about 2/3 of the way through that I realized I shouldn't be writing a post about this. I decided to finish it out, but my effort was half-hearted. But seriously, I enjoyed the three minutes I saw.

Nutjobs make everything more interesting

I'm sure most of you have seen this video already but I just stumbled across it today and for some reason I can't stop watching. I just have too many questions. Why the hell didn't he walk around the bench instead of jumping right over it? Why did #33 just stand there while this dude walked right up to the ref as if this was completely normal behavior? What the fuck is that jacket? This guy is beyond crazy. I think a normal crazy person would have ran onto the court and just started throwing haymakers. This guy casually made his way from the seats onto the court simply to ask the ref a question. Also, great security they have there at the Dunkin' Donuts Center. The first person to action is a girl that would be torn in half by this psycho.

Michigan Tells America To Talk To the Hand

Everyone needs to check out the poll on the front page of ESPN (they really appreciate when we link them). The poll asked, "Who should the Lions select with the No. 1 overall pick in the NFL draft?" America gave Matthew Stafford 37%, Andre Smith 30%, Mark Sanchez 17%, Michael Crabtree 11%, Michael Curry 5%. Detroit begged to differ. The ESPN map shows that a staggering 60% of Michiganders prefer Andre Smith compared to only 18% for Matthew Stafford. Only four states choose Smith over Stafford, and no other state gave Smith more than 47%. I'm no mathematician, but that seems statistically significant.

What does this mean? Detroit Lions fans are breaking out of their shell. This is the moment in their fandom where they need their voices to be heard, and that has manifested itself in ESPN polling.

What cause has motivated them to do this? Saving Dan Orlovsky.

They deserved Matt Millen.

Somebody's gotta do it-- A Farewell to G-Dub

Disclaimer: you may fall asleep at any time while reading this post
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It's popular to rip George W. these days. Like every President before him, he made his fair share of mistakes. However, there are a couple of things that I would like to clear up regarding W's legacy as we say goodbye to our 43rd.

First of all, the recent subprime-mortgage-turned-bank meltdown cannot rationally be blamed on him. Nothing bothers me more than when someone says something along the lines of "Look where this economy is right now because of his failed policies!" Listen up, this collapse is traced back all the way to the Community Reinvestment Act, passed during Jimmy Carter's administration. This legislation was designed to encourage commercial banks to lend to all segments of their communities, especially low-income neighborhoods. As we all know, a profitable business practiced by a bank would be to lend money to those who are likely to pay it back. At some point in recent time, our society decided that everyone has the right to own a home. Individuals should not own things they cannot afford. Seems simple enough, right?

Then the Clinton administration pushed it even harder. Here. We ended up watching banks loan to less and less credible borrowers as the years passed, even not demanding that people put money down. That piece of legislation and also mortgage brokers had a lot to do with this, since mortgage brokers earn income based on commission received for writing a loan. That brings us to today, where banks have no idea how much their loans on their balance sheets are actually worth because they do not know who can actually pay them back.

Now here's some shocking news. Some Republicans attempting to de-regulate. I was skeptical at first, too-- but it's true. Republicans love free market principles, so when one of them comes out and says that something needs to be regulated, you better damn well listen up. Here they are in all of their glory attempting to regulate Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac during Congressional hearings in 2004, but the Democrats said everything was just fine and dandy. For whatever reason, I have never heard this talked about in the mainstream media. It's always Bush's failed policies.

The verdict: there are many complexities involved in the recent market downturn/recession/depression/whatever. There are a shitload of people to blame-- greedy mortgage brokers, Congress, stupid people that bought a home by taking out a loan and putting no money down. Perhaps Bush should have pushed harder for regulating Fannie & Freddie than he did, but the point here is that the blame is spread among many different people-- both Democrats and Republicans, but definitely not one human being.

Secondly, most Republicans are portrayed as paranoid bigots, and whatever, that's fine. But that paranoid bigot George Bush protected our country from terrorist attacks on American soil for the last seven years. The difference between his appearance eight years ago and his appearance today shows the amount of stress he endured every day as he woke up each morning to read the latest intelligence report. When someone is elected President, I suppose they should not know exactly what to expect, but no one thought that was going to be part of the job description-- and I would say that W. adapted quite well.

Here's my point-- the American public needs to stop pointing fingers. If you watched the inauguration the other day, you heard those in attendance boo W. as he entered the scene. Like every good American, I look forward to being excited for Obama policies that I agree with, and I look forward to berating the policies that I disagree with. The one thing I won't do is blame him for everything that goes wrong for the next four, probably eight, years.

Introducing YOUR Los Angeles Clippers

Tonight I decided to turn on the Clippers/Lakers game to help me fall asleep (FYI: League Pass has a free preview this week). I wish you could have seen the look of horror on my face when I saw this Clippers STARTING lineup:

PG: Mardy Collins, averaging 4.9 pts/gm (the man can't even score 5 whole points).

SG: Eric Gordon, averaging 13.1 ppg he's actually god (I'll admit, my "o" key has been giving me trouble lately, but when I tried to type "good" I kept messing up and typing "god" ... it happened twice ... it's doesn't give me THAT much trouble.

SF: Al Thornton, averaging 16.5 ppg My story is starting to unravel.

PF: Brian skinner, averaging 3.2 ppg That's better.

C: DeAndre Jordan, averaging 3.1 ppg Wasn't he too big of a pussy to play in the Big-12?

If you add up those point totals, those starters only give you well under 85 pts. Throw in a decent bench, and you've got yourself about 61ppg. That'll win you some high school games. Imagine how bad they'd be if they still had Elton Brand.

I understand they've gotten killed by injury, but I seriously believe that team would get beat by the And-1 guys. DeAndre Jordan was born to have balls dunked in his mouth.

*** Update: I posted this around the second quarter, so I thought it was important to note that Andrew Bynum scored 42 pts ... in 158 career games, he's surpassed 20 points only 9 times. His previous career high was 28.

A Muted Society

A spot for Vonage came on my television the other night. Vonage, for those of you who may be unfamiliar, is a telephone company that offers digital phone service that can be connected through your high speed internet connection. [See also: Magic Jack (ha ha Magic Jack), Time Warner Digital Phone (and I am sure a slew of others with comparable services.)]

The incentive with digital phone through high speed internet is a flat rate for long distance calls (in case you live in the 90's and still call long distance on your landline and not on your cell phone for free). Vonage takes incentive a step further. Through Vonage you can receive your VOICE mails from your landline number in the form of text or email from a computer or mobile device. Does anyone else see the problem with this?

We are a society that has grown quite fond of instant messaging, email, social networking messages, blogging, and of course texting. Now for just 24.99 a month you can receive audio messages in words. WOW, look at how far the human race has come! Soon, we won't have to talk anymore; a mute society. We will just type and read. Think about it, earth will be like a giant library.

Where did the time go?

I can't believe it's been almost 20 years. Gosh, I looked a lot younger than.



Stop by today. One of our sales consultants can get you into the car of your dreams.

-BR

Meatheads

You probably don't care.

Anyways, when I go to the gym to lift or bike or run I constantly eavesdrop on douchebags talking about 'roids and protein shakes and eating the right stuff. Well it pisses me off. I am majoring in dietetics (nutrition and food science) and it really pisses me off when dumbass ogres drink protein shakes and refuse to eat carbs. There is conflicting research out there. Some say that protein shakes work, others say that it is just expensive urine. I totally agree with the chicks saying its a waste.

So what I am going to do about it? Well, for 2 months now I've been planning my own research experiment. I have decided that I am going to pull off a Morgan Spurlock like SuperSizeMe type deal. For 28 days (FEB) I am going to be consuming one shake of muscle milk for each meal. The catch... that's all I am allowed to consume for 28 days (besides liquor). The control is some guy eating a high protein diet and we are getting meaty and lifting for 28 straight days.

My shits are going to be pure liquid. I am going to shit my pants. Literally. In class. Shart. All over girls. Walk away. Smile. 

I may die. Dying in the name of science. Martyrdom. Heroism. 1900 calories each day of pure protein and fat.

The media has been saying that I don't have the mental toughness to endure this. So I have been training. Eating 1200 or less calories per day for the past week. Shrinking that stomach. Looking sexy. If you are still reading this I am fucking impressed. 

So when all is said and done, body composition tests will be compared from before and after. I will either look like Ray Lewis (ew black) or Calista Flockhart. My nutrition professor called me a "bumbling idiot." Always a good sign.

Flip for 380K+

Phil Ivey and Illari Shahmies (poker pros) went all in blind for over close to 400k online during a game of $500-1000 PLO on Full Tilt Poker. A coin flip for that much money is insane.

Here is their chat:

Ziigmund: lets take 1 flip
Ziigmund: phil
Ziigmund: hey
Ziigmund: lets take 1 flip
Phil Ivey: how much?
Ziigmund: what do u thin+k
Ziigmund: ????
Phil Ivey: what u have in front of u?
Ziigmund: when i flip i really flip
Phil Ivey: hahaha
Ziigmund: ok all in
Phil Ivey: k this hand for what u have in front of u
Ziigmund: ok gl m8
Phil Ivey: thx u2
Ziigmund: 247Q
Phil Ivey: j10 6 4
Phil Ivey: nice
Phil Ivey: u pay for drinks nex time lol
Ziigmund: i will
Ziigmund: gg sleep
Ziigmund: later

.....and a replay of the hand

I wonder if the cops showed up at Ivey's house later that night.

Maybe Pokerstars isn't Evil After All

A friend of mine was playing Hold 'Em on Pokerstars.com last week in the wee hours of the night-- let's say 2 AM. He proceeded to get beated, which for you non-poker players means that he had the advantage going into the hand but ended up losing the pot. This is a quite normal occurrence, especially on Stars.

He then e-mailed a Pokerstars Administrator as he usually does after he gets beated and proceeded to berate them for their cheating ways and awful beat delivery. Near the end of the e-mail, he threatened to "end it" over the beats.

Fast-forward to 4:30 AM.

Knock-knock. Said friend calls 911, saying there is someone at the door. The operator says "Yeah bro, it's a cop to see you."

The police got a call from Stars. They were checking to make sure he didn't "end it."

Worst beat ever? Maybe. But Stars is lookin' out.

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Lyons and Holloway

So I just arrived back to campus and I receive a little love from God because he knows how much it sucks to park in R2. I am walking into the ground entrance of Kuhlman and I see Mark Lyons and Terrel Holloway. The first thing I hear out of Lyons' mouth is we have about 6 n*****. I had no idea what the hell they were talking about until Holloway chimed in about the world not recognizing. I then realized that the world does not understand, according to these two, Xavier has 6 athletes who could play in the league. They then reel off the players: Derrick Brown, Jordan Crawford, Kenny Frease (because he is 7 feet tall), and them. They then go over this list again and forget to name Crawford. Lyons makes some comment how he thought they had 6. Yea, I was paying more attention to their conversation than they were.

And there is your Xavier fix for the day. Have a good evening.

Only in Norwood

If you ever find yourself looking for the most f-ed up family in the world, you would be well off to start your search right here in Norwood. My roomates and I just happened to run into them at the newly opened Cici's pizzeria several hours ago.

This family's youngest was a boy around the age of eight. At first glance, he appeared to be a normal kid, but that appearance instantly changed when he turned his back to us. He had a mullet that could only be described as disgusting. I was wondering to myself what type of parent lets their child embarrass himself in this way. Then I saw the parents. The father had a similar mullet, except that his was a good six inches longer. But it gets better. The mother is blind (I would guess that's how the guy managed to land her with that haircut in the first place) and wandering around with one of those guide sticks.

Here's the kicker though. On the way out the door, they say their farewells to each individual employee by name and proclaim, "We'll cya on Wednesday." Very classy

*Side note* After reading the post I wrote while hammered on Saturday night, I will no longer be posting while intoxicated.

"We're Comin For Ya"

Once again the NFL playoffs have left us with some superb football memories. The Arizona Cardinals will be playing for their first ring ever and that team from PA will be playing for their SIXTH!!! However, you won’t see the best action from the playoffs on a high light reel. Nope, not this year. This year you will have to Baltimore Raven press conferences to obtain the most incredible highlights from the 2009 playoffs. Of course I am talking about the commentary provided by Mr. Derrick Mason.

How long will it be before we see this guy on a beer commercial? I watched sports center religiously throughout the playoffs just for the chance to see what Mr. Mason had to say. He is arguably one of the best characters in sports. Just look at the guy. It looks like he draws his beard on with a Sharpie. I pictured a room full of reports with smiles ear-to-ear waiting to hear what was on his mind. At 35, he uses the most old school, cliché smack tactics. In fact I am surprised anyone even showed up to play the Ravens after Mr. Mason informed the nation that "were comin' for ya!" Derrick Mason is a man amongst boys in my eyes. How dare the Steelers deprive us of two more weeks of sound bites. Who knows what would come out of the man's mouth with a Championship on the line.

Karma's a Bitch

I just wanted to point out a story that you will definitely be sick of hearing about in two weeks: The Cardinals are in the Super Bowl and the Patriots didn't make the playoffs.

I didn't actually watch the Week 16 massacre, but, judging by the stats, I'm not sure it's possible to overestimate how much better the Patriots were. The Patriots won 47-7, the Cardinals only score was an 80 yd bomb from LEINART! to Fitzgerald. The Cardinals only had one turnover in the entire game, but they gave up 514 total yards. The Cardinals only had 186 total yards, and never got in the red zone.

I love the Cardinals, and think they deserve everything they've gotten, but it's insane that the 11-5 Patriots weren't in the playoffs. We can only hope that the Cardinals beat the Steelers and the NFL considers going back to a six division format. But for now, suck it Belichick.

Midget Sighting

I saw a midget at the 711 I frequent for chews, Diet Cokes, and Snickers bars. She had long brown hair and very stubby hands. I considered running my hands through her hair, but I didn't feel like getting picked up. She could barely see over the counter and had a lot of difficulty handling the pack of gum and 20 ounce Pepsi she purchased.

The 711 is managed by a group of Indian gentlemen whom I've become quite fond of. As I stood behind the midget in line, one of my Indian buddies behind the counter became fixated on her appearance. He stared and stared at the little person, and a wry smile slowly crept across his face. As she walked out, his smile grew wider.

I stepped up to the counter ready to buy my chew. We made eye contact. He couldn't hold it in any longer. He erupted in laughter and hunched over as I began shaking my head back and forth.

I didn't want to laugh, but I did. Really, really hard. We high-fived, and I walked out with one of those special feelings you only get once or twice a year.

Bob Rohrman

p.s. Visit Bob Rohrman Toyota to check out our state-of-the-art Service Department. It has all of the latest tools and technologies to diagnose and repair your vehicle.

Country Roads, Take Me Home

Remember good ol' Kevin Pittsnogle? Rivals.com was kind enough to let us know what this gentleman has been up to since he attended WVU as their bball star. Well apparently Pitts is a middle school teacher in WV coaching a high school bball team... for free. Him and his wife, a bank teller, have two children; God help those kids. This is actually really depressing. Pitts was regarded as having some pretty good "talent" on the court. He used that talent well to achieve goals of working hard to get to the NBA...

Well not so much. Kevin is now living in a double wide and has ballooned. He now weighs over 300 pounds. I might say, Pitts has become a TRUE WEST VIRGINIAN. Trailer park, fat, working for free... fits right in. Apparently scouts are willing to give him a chance if he drops weight, but he just doesn't seem to have the motivation. Kind of shocking that this kid had a chance to be a millionaire and blew it. I love when people throw away talent. Well I guess as long as he is happy then that is all that matters. But shit, that's sad. Wondering what Kevin does for fun? He goes down to the local Big Bucks and plays bingo.

We are all better off financially than Kevin Pittsnogle, a man who had a chance at making it in the NBA. How does that feel?

DeSaun Jackson is a crip

As you all know from Jsaur's "Wayne got denied" post, Gallagher and I made the trip to Knoxville, Tennessee on Friday. While there, I was fortunate enough to meet a young man that happens to play football at the University of California. This nice gentleman was nice enough to let me in on a little bit of inside information about DeShaun Jackson.

As it turns out, DeShaun is a member of the notorious gang known as the crips. Does this make him a bad person? I don't know..Probably

He actually wears the name of his sub-gang or whatever the technical term for that is on his arm band. Apparently numerous pictures have been published with his sign on it, but no one noticed it or knew what it was. Nice little bit of publicity.

Side note..It's 2:12 and I am drunk

Wayne got denied

Last night our very own ,Wayne and Gallagher, ventured to Knoxville for a fun filled night of drinking. However, the only part that matters is they met someone who we all would love to get to know. She is the hottest woman to grace the sidelines of any sporting event. Yes, Wayne and Gallagher met Erin Andrews at a bar last night. For all you creeps out there, she was wearing a red turtle neck and a black jacket. So how did Wayne get denied? He offered to buy her a shot, but Miss Andrews broke Wayne's heart and said no.

I am now pissed at myself for not deciding to make the trip but hey I still got to see Lisa at Monty's last night.

TMZ Reports Ed Werder Is On Vacation

Pshew, thank the Lord I saw this morning.  I was beginning to worry.  TMZ is reporting that Ed Werder is on vacation.  Everyone should know who Ed is.  If you don't he rocks a sweet mustache and reports live from "the ranch" in Dallas.  Ed is well known for reporting on Jessica Romo, Adam, making it rain, #81, and other various soap opera stories that seem to always sprout and grow to epic proportions.  

Ed works very hard at his job and is often kept very busy down at "the ranch."  For all of his hard work this past season ESPN has granted Ed the chance to go on a vacation.  At this point in time, you may be asking yourself, "Self, where is Ed vacationing?  Where is he catching some rays?  Where is he giving mustache rides?"  Possible hot spots for Eddie are Cannes.  An unbelievable spot in southern France on the Mediterranean.  But, no, that's not where he is.  Maybe he is catching some waves and hanging ten in Hawaii.  No.  We're running out of options here.  As we all once asked ourselves, "Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?"  We are now asking ourselves, "Where in the world is Ed Werder."  Don't worry.  TMZ and ESPN provided me that answer this morning.  Ed is, not catching rays.  Ed, is not hanging ten.  And Ed is certainly not mingling with some hot bodies.  Ed is vacationing in Pittsburgh.  Reporting live from the Pittsburgh facility.  

Ed is providing us with stellar inside information that we all need as we brace for Conference Championship weekend!  Enjoy the games this weekend.  They should be some great battles.  More importantly, enjoy Ed's stellar reports.

War mustaches coming back into style.

-'Killa

Joaq It Out

For “need to get a new post up as soon as possible” reasons, I thought I should tell you all about a little story I just read. As some of you might have heard, Joaquin Phoenix, the guy from Gladiator and Walk the Line, decided to quit acting for a music career. It was just revealed that his music career will be ... as a rapper. The artist formerly known as Puff Daddy just produced his CD. It’s the weirdest thing ever.

... And Hop on Timmy's Manwagon

Under normal circumstances it’s totally appropriate to hate an athlete that gets as much praise as Tim Tebow. I wouldn’t hesitate to join in on some good Favre or Jeter bashing, but I really feel that Tebow deserves all the credit in the world.

Sure, if I told you that I was bringing a friend over to your house, you would hope that “God fearing penis barber” wasn’t an accurate description of him. And that’s natural, but when you really think about it, maybe our lives would be a little better with a few more God fearing penis barbers in it.

I have a lot of trouble getting girls to touch my penis. It’s difficult now, but it’d be nearly impossible if it required instructions. “What the fuck is that?” “Baby, don’t worry, just peel away that dirty skin blanket.” “Eww.” “Now put your mouth on it.” “No.”

Such was the plight of many Filipino men until they met Tim Tebow. Despite the infinite amount of douchebaggery Tebow has and will continue to display, it cannot outweigh the work he’s done for the Filipino penis.