Milestone Night

Have you ever had one of those nights that surpasses all those to date in your life? Well, I had one of those tonight. I started off innocent, got real naughty, and then just became ridiculous. Pete North himself couldn't write a climax that compared to what happened tonight. 

I began tonight by drinking a couple beers, watching Mike slam a power shake, and then going to the Xavier basketball game. This is the place where dreams are made of because Xavier smacked the shit out of Charlotte Web and it was still boring as hell. I should have gone to the UC game because apparently ticket were free and that game was the shit. 

We left the game feeling good, i say good, but good as in better than OJ getting off on non-guilty results. Drive home, considering if was better for a monkey to drive than Mike because it is apparent that a brick has more dexterity than my current cauffer.

We drop off our other non-bromosexual guests and proceed to downtown Cincinnati where Enormo and I decide that there is no other choice but to go to Buddakahn.

10:20 - We finally arrive at Buddakahn, slam a couple 312's and start feeling like its 1969. Shoot the shit, for a bit and realize that pool is our calling. Jerri (Female) and Kate (Female - Post-op), both over 30 and horny as Chris Henry after seeing a Cheer For America Commerical, join us for a friendly(overly) game of pool. Flirt, as I'm about to shoot she yells out "Be nice to me" and I almost lose it. I unfortunately am still timid and just say "I do them one at a time" (lame). I miss. As she lines up, with her Jodie Dence masked in Penelope Cruz ass, Kevin yells "oooooooo baby, be nice to me!" Done, I lost it.

Forward, we sit back down at the bar still laughing at the hilarity that has ensued. Slam a couple Rumplemints and get ready to leave. As we are walking out I see my neighbor from my apartment, Zach. Now let me tell you something about Zach, he is a large Republican Mother Fucker. Imagine the Big Show had a mutant child that took steroids since age 5. Now think that this man that mutant to shame. That is Zach.

Now Zach is the most unreal man i have ever met. 30, a lawyer, divorced once, but still has the heart of lion. I feel in love the first time i met him because I wasn't gay I was his best friend.

So I say to Zach as we are about to leave but us leaving was the furthest thing from happening. I call out to him and say hi. He still can't believe that I'm heterosexual and buys us a round of Yeagar-Bombs. Fucked up. Play a little pool. Time for our next Yeager-Bomb. More fucked up. Play some pool. A homeless guy gets into it with a guy at the bar, fighting begins, Zach steps in and everyone is cool. I say good job and I buy a round of Rumplemints. Real fucked up.

2:34 We finally leave Buddakahn and proceed to walk home. Zach picks up a ice chunk and throws it at a cop car. Not a big deal. He walks over and starts laughing, he calls me over, he knows the cop. Roger. Roger is laughing his ass off and introduces us to the Newbie Terrel. First night on duty. Learning the ropes real quick. Zach explains that it essential to know my local law enforcement because one day I will be in handcuffs.

As we start to walk this kid that knows Zach starts making snow angels in a parking lot, we laugh, but we move on as the snow plows come and almost run over his sorry ass. We go to Rockin' Robins, slam tall shots of JD and sit in amusement as the two guys that we are with start to rumble at the bar. Ha we get introduced to a famous painter, forget his name, Tom something, makes bank, real slouch.

Finally get kicked out of Rockin' Robins and Zach proceeds to ask if I have ever seen the abandoned part our apartment complex. For those of you don't know, I live in old Macy's downtown Cincinnati. I exasperated say no, and he says we need beers and he's taking us there.

We walk to the Shillito Lofts, loaded, and walk to the back of the complex, in my mind I had no idea what to expect. He took us to the Mecca of abandoned department stores. Imagine a mall, torn to shit, trashed by zombies, and still open for business. That was what we walked into. Zach tells me that him and his buddies (now Kevin and I are invited) do huge rounds of paintball, Tap-out style. That means no pads, close combat, bloody hell.

He shows us around and then inquires if we have ever been of the roof? I obviously say now because whatever he is about to show me I want to see. We go the 7th floor, climb some stairs, pick a couple locks on we are on the F-ing roof. Rafts and all, beautiful fucking view of Cincinnati. We hang out, drink a couple beers up there. Now are talking complete non-sense, raves, strippers, all the things that make young boys cry, you know.

Apparently Zach tells me of a place that no one knows about, the fucking Babylonian Gardens, where we can all party, no limits, and emphasizes that we can do whatever we want there. This is the place that we are soon going to be, the new Gomorra. I can't wait to show this place to everyone I know because it is epic. No Windows, sound proof, and no one knows about it outside of you all, zach, greg, kevin, myself, and the creepy one legged hooker that came along with us.

I'm not really sure if I can really put this night into perspective, but it is 4am, and I have to make sure that this night is remembered somehow. I have goose-marks, bumps, whatever. Well all I want to pass on to you right now is one thing, life is goodTM. And for all of those who get the pleasure of seeing me next weekend I will show you a world that ever Zeus never imagined. 

KONG (No one is ever good enough for you but there are some that are better than others)