Bathroom Etiquette

It’s not OK to talk to me while I’m peeing. When I go to the bathroom I’m there to relieve myself while trying not to pass out due to the stench coming from stall number one. It’s bad enough that I got stuck with the midget urinal because it was the only one open, now some asshole wants to talk to me? It’s not like anyone ever has anything of importance to say either. Today at work I got stuck in two of these inane conversations and they both went exactly like this:

Annoying guy: This sure has been a slow morning.
BigLots: Yea, that’s Monday for you.
Annoying guy: Plus it’s so cold out. Hopefully Spring is around the corner.
BigLots: Yea….

And then I stand there and fake like I’m still peeing until he leaves the bathroom so we don’t have to continue speaking to each other.

So if we happen to be in a bathroom together anytime soon I’ll give you one rule to abide by: Look straight ahead and hold off on any comments until we are washing our hands. Thank you.