The Babes of CNBC

Let me preface this post by saying my first published draft actually forgot Erin Burnett, who I ended up ranking as #2.
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I am in the financial services industry. I have a television in my office. My excuse is that if one of my (very few) clients is watching CNBC and hears something that they need explained to them, I can at the very least know what they are talking about.

Consequently, my muted TV shows off the eye candy route that GE went with in regards to the female anchors. And since most of you would never subject yourself to the media orgy that is an NBC network, I am here to count down their top 6 hot chick anchors for you.

First off, those who missed the cut:

• Rebecca Jarvis
• Michelle Caruso-Cabrera
  

6. Maria Bartiromo

OH-VER-RAY-TED! (CLAP CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP). Frankly, Maria, a Brooklyn native, scares the shit out of me. If one of these broads could beat my ass, it would definitely be her. I was tempted to put Becky Quick here instead, but leaving Bartiromo off the list would have resulted in civil unrest. And I really don't understand why.

Reminds me of: Leah Remini from King of Queens


5. Melissa Francis

Melissa helps Larry Kudlow host Kudlow & Company, which bumps her up on my list because she is definitely a conservative. In fact, just the other day she was berating the stimulus plan and Geithner's vague bank plan description. Nice. However, she is pretty much your typical blonde chick and doesn't bring enough unique qualities to the table to merit a top 3 consideration. Try putting on a pair of glasses or somethin, Missy.

Reminds me of: a way less hot Megyn Kelly

4. Julia Boorstin

I completely acknowledge that this rating is absolutely outrageous. Julia is the token redhead of the CNBC girls-- I'd imagine she is a product of some sort of affirmative action. She really isn't all that hot, but kind of has that Pam-from-The-Office-thing going for her. I can't really explain it. Plus, she's one of us-- a blogger. She usually appears in 15 second segments right before commercial breaks with quick hitter vague point headlines, like "T. Boone Pickens got into wind energy last winter, will the investment pay off for him? Pickens joins us after the break."

Reminds me of: Pam from The Office.


3. Trish Regan

Trish hosts The Call from 11am-Noon every weekday, usually just supervising whatever talking heads they get for the show that day. She also has the priviledge of checking in with Jim Cramer from time to time. She also does some pretty badass interviews for CNBC specials. The other night I was watching Marijuana, Inc., one of the most recent CNBC specials, and I could totally tell that she wanted to hit a bong with the druglord she was talking to. The former Miss New Hampshire used to work for Goldman Sachs, so she apparently knows her shit.

Reminds me of: that bitch from the Gilmore Girls, but way hotter

2. Erin Burnett

I actually somehow forgot Erin until someone said "yo dude, why didn't you put Burnett on there?" I'm an idiot. Anyway, she hosts Squawk on the Street from 9-11am on weekdays. She also hosts Street Signs from 2-3pm.

I would consider Erin an acquired taste. I wasn't impressed at first, especially in the mornings, but she is just on there so damn much, you pretty much have to enjoy her by the time Street Signs comes on at 2. I find it very frustrating.

Reminds me of: Katy Perry? Eh, couldn't think of anyone else. **EDIT** J Sauer says some chick from Bones. I agree. **END EDIT**

1. Margaret Brennan

I'm going to delve right into this one. Margaret attended the University of Virginia, majoring in Foregin Affairs:

In 2001 Brennan interned at CNN's international newsdesk where she coordinated field reporters and translated Arabic language tapes from Osama bin Laden.

Holy shit that's hot. She speaks Arabic shit.

Nowadays, Margaret, does pretty much the same thing Julia Boorstin does for CNBC, but also hosts CNBC Market Wrap on MSNBC. MSNBC really really sucks, but we're willing to let it go. Plus, none of the above have a creepy open love letter addressed to them by some guy on the internet.

Reminds me of: Julie Gonzalo from Dodgeball and Eli Stone

Contributor Vote

Today we will be holding a contributor vote, with one simple question in mind:

Are sammich's posts too shocking to the point where he should be banished from being a contributor?

And since we're so patriotic around here, we're going to test something out and report to Congress on how well it worked-- that's right, you guessed it-- CARD CHECK! Here's a link to read about the Employee Free Choice Act if you don't know anything about it. Oh, and here's a very funny commercial:



So instead of secretly submitting your ballot, today you will be voting in the comments section for all to see. Again:

Are sammich's posts too shocking to the point where he should be banished from being a contributor?

A simple yes or no will do, but a defense to your vote is encouraged. Oh, and if sammich shows up at your door when you're typing your vote, watch the fuck out. He knows Tae Bo.
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INSTAHOUSE

It takes a lot to really knock me on my ass lately. This country is so fucked up I cannot even stand it sometimes, so not often does something come along that really honestly shocks me. And yet, something bigger comes along each and every time I think I have seen it all.



Ok. I'm pretty sure that ^^^ took place at around 1:00 PM-- it seems like that was the time I was watching that today. So now, fast forward to 2:09 PM:

Henrietta Hughes was offered a home by Chene Thompson, wife of State Representative Nick Thompson, who heard the homeless woman’s pleas for help to President Obama before a local and national crowd.

Wow. This lady barely had the sentence out of her mouth-- "Hey, Barack can I have a hou--- BOOM INSTAHOUSE BOOOOOOOM.

This is the part where I'm supposed to say that this is such a great fairy tale and I'm so happy that this homeless lady that lived in her truck got a house. I'm not going to say that. Can we maybe start her off slow? Maybe get her an apartment? Now, she's been homeless for over a year, so it wasn't the latest crisis that got her into this mess. She's clearly doing something wrong.

Now that that is out of the way, what kind of message is being delivered here? It's like in John 4:46-54, a royal official had a sick son, asked Jesus to heal him, and boom, instamiracle. Healed. No big deal. Are we at ask-and-you-shall-receive status with Obama?

Yo, Barry, can I have, umm... SI Swimsuit Cover Model Bar Refa---

/POOF

Kobe just got Pwned

And I don't even know what "pwned" means.

I frantically texted people before the game to shove all-in on the Knicks tonight because LeBron would try to copy Kobe and go off on the Knicks at the Garden, hoisting up errant threes in the process. I suppose the Knicks did cover by .5 points (107-102 Cavs win-- spread was 5.5), but that is the last time I doubt that asshole LeBron James. Jesus Christ.

52 points, 11 assists, 10 rebounds was the final damage done. Yeah, that's more impressive than your shitty 61 points, 3 assists, 0 rebounds stat line, Kobe.

He really does have no regard for human life.

OKAY PEOPLE MOVE ALONG

Nothin' to see here people. Just moove along.

Somebody's gotta do it-- A Farewell to G-Dub

Disclaimer: you may fall asleep at any time while reading this post
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It's popular to rip George W. these days. Like every President before him, he made his fair share of mistakes. However, there are a couple of things that I would like to clear up regarding W's legacy as we say goodbye to our 43rd.

First of all, the recent subprime-mortgage-turned-bank meltdown cannot rationally be blamed on him. Nothing bothers me more than when someone says something along the lines of "Look where this economy is right now because of his failed policies!" Listen up, this collapse is traced back all the way to the Community Reinvestment Act, passed during Jimmy Carter's administration. This legislation was designed to encourage commercial banks to lend to all segments of their communities, especially low-income neighborhoods. As we all know, a profitable business practiced by a bank would be to lend money to those who are likely to pay it back. At some point in recent time, our society decided that everyone has the right to own a home. Individuals should not own things they cannot afford. Seems simple enough, right?

Then the Clinton administration pushed it even harder. Here. We ended up watching banks loan to less and less credible borrowers as the years passed, even not demanding that people put money down. That piece of legislation and also mortgage brokers had a lot to do with this, since mortgage brokers earn income based on commission received for writing a loan. That brings us to today, where banks have no idea how much their loans on their balance sheets are actually worth because they do not know who can actually pay them back.

Now here's some shocking news. Some Republicans attempting to de-regulate. I was skeptical at first, too-- but it's true. Republicans love free market principles, so when one of them comes out and says that something needs to be regulated, you better damn well listen up. Here they are in all of their glory attempting to regulate Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac during Congressional hearings in 2004, but the Democrats said everything was just fine and dandy. For whatever reason, I have never heard this talked about in the mainstream media. It's always Bush's failed policies.

The verdict: there are many complexities involved in the recent market downturn/recession/depression/whatever. There are a shitload of people to blame-- greedy mortgage brokers, Congress, stupid people that bought a home by taking out a loan and putting no money down. Perhaps Bush should have pushed harder for regulating Fannie & Freddie than he did, but the point here is that the blame is spread among many different people-- both Democrats and Republicans, but definitely not one human being.

Secondly, most Republicans are portrayed as paranoid bigots, and whatever, that's fine. But that paranoid bigot George Bush protected our country from terrorist attacks on American soil for the last seven years. The difference between his appearance eight years ago and his appearance today shows the amount of stress he endured every day as he woke up each morning to read the latest intelligence report. When someone is elected President, I suppose they should not know exactly what to expect, but no one thought that was going to be part of the job description-- and I would say that W. adapted quite well.

Here's my point-- the American public needs to stop pointing fingers. If you watched the inauguration the other day, you heard those in attendance boo W. as he entered the scene. Like every good American, I look forward to being excited for Obama policies that I agree with, and I look forward to berating the policies that I disagree with. The one thing I won't do is blame him for everything that goes wrong for the next four, probably eight, years.

Maybe Pokerstars isn't Evil After All

A friend of mine was playing Hold 'Em on Pokerstars.com last week in the wee hours of the night-- let's say 2 AM. He proceeded to get beated, which for you non-poker players means that he had the advantage going into the hand but ended up losing the pot. This is a quite normal occurrence, especially on Stars.

He then e-mailed a Pokerstars Administrator as he usually does after he gets beated and proceeded to berate them for their cheating ways and awful beat delivery. Near the end of the e-mail, he threatened to "end it" over the beats.

Fast-forward to 4:30 AM.

Knock-knock. Said friend calls 911, saying there is someone at the door. The operator says "Yeah bro, it's a cop to see you."

The police got a call from Stars. They were checking to make sure he didn't "end it."

Worst beat ever? Maybe. But Stars is lookin' out.

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The Inaugural Post

Why does this blog exist? Not even I, the genius creator of Firin' Off, can explain its roots. To rip off Seinfeld, the goal of the blog is that there is no goal. A slew of writers will be invited. We will allow any and all subject matters to be breached and see where it goes from there. The artist formerly known as Big Lots has poured his heart out lately, expressing the need for his creative thoughts and ideas to break from the jail that is his mind and out for the public to see.

All I ask is that the writers tag their username as a label for each and every post that they make.

For the followers of this blog, there will be no rhyme and reason to when posts will be made. Plan accordingly.