Booked

I have been hearing a phrase that has become all too common lately. Those who are the latest to utter this phrase though seem to throw this sense of commonality out the door and perceive themselves as a unique case. The complex look on a face lacking comfort and the shake of the delivering voice is the same in every case.

"My mom got Facebook."

Disbelief ensues.

But should it? If you told me three years ago that my mom would be texting me or sending e-mails that I receive instantly on my BlackBerry I would have handed her a phone and dared her to do so. It physically could not have happened. Same with pops. It just wasn't within the technological skill-set. To join the ranks of quote abusers, I will reference Bob Dylan - "The times, they are a-changin'."

Now, I do enjoy being able to text with my parents. It's quite convenient and it supplements the need for frequent phone calls smaller in breadth or less frequent, more involved phone calls. The call frequency to importance ratio is in perfect balance. As far as Facebook however, my mom does not have an account. She never will and I can say that with certainty. But for those of you who have fallen victim to this epidemic or are in real danger of doing so, I would like to use three scenarios from my office of how to handle the situation correctly and how to botch it so badly that you set yourself up for some serious mom attitude (which you will have to answer to by phone call, not text - sorry).

Scenario 1:

Karl - "How do you make it so people can't see your pictures on Facebook?"

Me - "I'm not sure of the exact steps, but I know it's in security settings or preferences or something like that."

Karl - "Ok good. My mom just got Facebook and I'd rather her not see some of those pictures."

Me - "Yeah man that sucks..." (Translated - That really sucks. Every time your "friends" section populates 6 pictures on the left side of your profile when it's visited, the risk of [insert Karl's mom's name here] appearing grows by the click).

Point: Karl handled it correctly. He is utilizing the tools within Facebook so that his mom cannot see what he doesn't want her to see. You can in fact do this on an individual basis. I have used it for people that I would rather not know how big of a clown I can be.

Scenario 2:

Lady in cube next door - "Little Jimmy's status says he is making guac-dip right now!! He must be getting ready for the Super Bowl this weekend!"

Me - (Bad.)

Lady in cube next door - "Laurie put pictures of her new shoes on Facebook!! These are so nice but why would you put pictures of shoes on Facebook??"

Me - (Real Bad.)

Point: If nothing else, this confirms the previous point and the importance of blocking every last thing that you don't want your mom announcing to the office (if she is as wacked as the dame in mine). What it also confirms though is that for things that you cannot block (status?), you just "gotta except the beat" as McBread would tell you and either post things that are mom friendly, or tell her she is going to see some shit.

Scenario 3:

David - "I just ignore friend invites from people I don't want to be friends with."

Me - "Yeah, but if your mom asks..."

David - "Well she hasn't, but I ignored my aunt."

Me - "It's not the same."

Point: And it isn't. You can tell your mom all of the reasons in the world why the two of you have not synched up on that friend request yet and hope that she doesn't know a thing about Facebook. "Yeah, my account doesn't let me accept friends outside of my college" or "Isn't that so weird?? I have NOT gotten that request yet! This site is crazy!!" or simply deny that you have a working account any more and that the account she is seeing is your disabled account. All of those have holes though, no matter how small, and we know that moms ALWAYS see their way through the holes. Always.

So if you have a +1 Friend Request in your inbox after you read this, suck it up. The worst thing that can happen is that the News Feed will read something like "Brad Gaskill is now friends with Sue Gaskill." Sure it's like being 13 at the mall and being seen with your mom in the underwear department of Macy's while the cute girl from middle school walks by all over again, but at least it will provide a great opportunity for you and your mom to connect!

Over text message.